


Thoughts

by MARVEL_DC_HEART_THROBS



Series: Dragon Ball: Beyond What is Known [1]
Category: Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Z
Genre: Bottom Goku, M/M, Uke Son Goku (Dragon Ball), top gohan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 10:04:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14714010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MARVEL_DC_HEART_THROBS/pseuds/MARVEL_DC_HEART_THROBS
Summary: Son Gohan thinks about what happened after the Cell games and contemplates about a few things involving his dad.





	Thoughts

Turquoise eyes closed in exhaustion. Anger, guilt and an unnamable emotion continued to run its course inside the frame of the blond male seated on top of the moderately sized capsule house that was found in the mountain.

  
It wasn’t fair.

  
He tried his best. He did his best.

  
Heck, he even gave everything that he had.

  
But…

  
It wasn’t enough.

  
It wasn’t enough to protect his father and make the man even wish on continuing to live a life with them. With him.

  
Son Gohan knew that he should have already accepted what had happened three years ago when his dad refused to be brought back to life by the dragon balls. But, the pain and ache that was connected to it never diminished such a period. To think he actually believed in the saying, ‘Time heals all wounds.’

  
If anything, the wound in his heart only worsened and he even began having visions and dreams of what could his life be if he acted differently.

  
If things went differently.

  
Sighing, the currently twelve-year-old Demi-Saiyan still clearly remembered the visions that he had been having these past years. The visions which started just four months after his father’s death.

  
These visions which were a lot clearer when he was asleep showed him of the possible lives which he could lead. This then made him began doubting his own sanity.

  
Yet, these visions gave him hope. After all, within them he could see his father and feel like he was there with him. Within them he could be with his dad, Son Goku.

  
But then again, what troubled him was how he was being “with” his own father.

  
****************************************************************************  
In one life, he was the perfect son which his mother wished for. A real scholar who was too soft and avoided fighting which was the reason why his father would always have to sacrifice himself for the “happiness” and safety of everyone else. His father hardly really being in his presence due to the need of training or simply being dead. This then led Gohan himself to be somewhat distant to the man he idolized and adored, being no more than a person whom was graced with the Saiyan’s precious presence from time-to-time as if it was just for mere obligatory duties as his sire.

  
In that life, he was “happy.”

  
He had a “doting” mother. A “loving” wife and a “wonderful” daughter.

  
His life could have been said to be perfect.

  
(Author’s Note: Think of the Dragon Ball canon which led up until Super and GT. That said, things would be different at the time Pan becomes 16 yrs. old since at that supposed vision/timeline Gohan finally realized that he was being played.)

  
But…

  
It was all a lie.

  
His mother only cared for him out of forced obligation and the ideal of getting the perfect family that she wanted since her childhood. That girl, Videl, that he was to marry only pretended to like him because of the fact her father needed his (Gohan’s) and his father’s power. And Pan…She was a disappointment that willingly and heavily held on to the ideals his own mother and wife inculcated.

  
At the very end of it all, it was his own father who was there for him when the whole divorce ended and the fiasco with the women in his lives were too troublesome for him. Goku stayed by his side until he himself pushed the older man away due to his own stupidity and blindness.

  
Yet, his father still once again died protecting him and this time, the dragon balls couldn’t bring his dad back.

  
Meanwhile, the visions he had about his second life spoke about him falling into the dark side, losing control, going berserk and falling into hell to become its king. All of it was caused by what had happened in the Cell tournament.

  
In that life as the king of hell, he befriended Frieza and Cell. To be exact, he even met with his own Saiyan relatives and grandfather. Things were difficult and at the young tender age of nine he knew he couldn’t go back living a normal. Hence, when the Supreme Kai gave him a choice of reward for defeating Majin Buu he decided to be reborn.

  
Reborn he did. Nonetheless, that didn’t stop him from once again hurting his father and being unable to hold the man close to him due to the instability of the power and sanity that he had.

  
In short, it was still as painful and tragic as the ending he had in his first life.

( ** _A/N:_**  If anyone of you wanted to know what I mean for the second life, you could go check [Hell Bent](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8198280/1/Hell-Bent) 

{https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8198280/1/Hell-Bent} that's created by Blackwolfhunting. I've already received permission from that person to use their fic for reference. Hence, I don't want anyone of you saying I'm plagiarizing or using content without any permission. )

  
Then, there was something about the existence of having a third chance of life.

  
In that life, it was closely similar to how his second life was. The only difference was that he loved his father in ways more than one. His love being far too intimate than what was necessary for a child who loves his father.

  
In that timeline, his self was quite rather affected with the older man’s death and when he went to hell he was able to meet a random villain of another planet who told him that to get back to Goku the best punishment would be to “take” the man. That by fucking the Earth’s guardian he would get the peace that he needed. But, unfortunately, that advice only made him seek out the male more.

  
It made him fall in a twisted manner towards the forgiving and innocent Saiyan. Hence, at every turn that he could, Gohan in that life did his best to get his father on his side and screw the man as if there was no tomorrow. That said, the result still ended up being something the young child never liked because Goku that time became an empty shell after all the psychological and emotional torture his counterpart dished out.

  
***********************************************

  
True, those visions at certain extent gave him hope. Nevertheless, what he saw definitely bothered him because it always resulted in him hurting his father.

  
If anything, what he wanted was to be strong enough to help his father and protect him. The man deserved so much more. He wanted to make him happy.

  
He wanted to….

  
Stopping the thought, Gohan knew that what he felt for his father wasn’t something normal nor was it acceptable.

  
He cared for the man.

  
He… loved him.

  
But, unlike the harmful and twisted affections that his counterpart felt for the full blooded Saiyan, he wanted to cherish his dad. He wanted to “make love” to him and worship the elder’s body by rocking his very heat inside the male’s blooming flower. Making the other know that he was appreciated and needed.

  
“Shit!”

  
Turquoise eyes widened in surprise as the its owner realized what he was thinking. He already decided that he should stop having thoughts about his dad. But it seems no matter what he does, one way or another, such things would always pop up. Moreover, the visions were hardly helping him and his mind.

  
Groaning in exasperation, the ascended Demi-Saiyan pushed his palms against his eyes and growled angrily at himself. He already promised to himself that he would avoid anything and everything that could hurt his dad.

  
But, why?

  
Why were his thoughts this poisonous?

  
His dad would never like him. After all, the Saiyan was a man and the male was married to his mother, Chi-chi. Furthermore, he (Gohan) was the guy’s own offspring. The alien protector couldn’t want him.

  
Son Goku wouldn’t want him.

  
Knowing where his own mind was bringing him, the blond finally chose to let go and cry his heart out as he knew that no matter what thought he has and what actions he does it wouldn’t ever change the fact that what he felt was one-sided and the man he loved with everything that he has wouldn’t love him back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Guys.....
> 
> You should really check out Hell Bent by Blackwolfhunting because it's really interesting since it kind of gives a different perspective for Gohan. I mean, I even got the inspiration to do this story for the fact that it kind of made me think on how would Gohan react if he were able to see something like that happening.
> 
> To be exact, I'm actually thinking of doing a fic dedicated on Gohan focusing on his supposed second life and how he would react or change it if he had the chance. I'm just not sure yet if I'm going to go through it yet.....
> 
> Anyway, I do hope you people like my story. I just really want to spread the HanKu (Gohan x Goku) love and not depict Gohan in a way that he would be a Daddy's boy that would spread his legs for Goku. I mean, if anything, between the two I actually see Gohan to be the more responsible and dominant/TOP one in the relationship even though physically speaking he's a kid. Like, c'mon! Goku is far too innocent for his own good and it would be pretty interesting for Gohan to be the one to have his dad become a blushing mess. 
> 
> True, Son Goku may be older but that doesn't put out the fact that Gohan knows more and could be a better partner for the full blood Saiyan. Hell, watch Dragon Ball Super and it could be pretty much seen in the scene where Trunks gives a Senzu Bean to Mai via mouth to mouth that the man doesn't even knows kissing since he even asks Vegeta about it. Hence, with this it even further cements the idea that it would be better for Goku to be with Gohan as an uke/bottom since the younger man would be able to give a number of things and be love the Saiyan-jin properly.


End file.
